my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sext me about skeletons
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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