i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
