tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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