I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
