Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
