I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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