we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
