I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
