Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
