He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
they need to just BURY HIM!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
