i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
