I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You're so nebulous sometimes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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