Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
