I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
