So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
