dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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