I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
