I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was confusing and full of hummus
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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