Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
