she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
