thus making me awesome and them whores
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
