Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
