this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
