She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think my moral compass just broke
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
