I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
