I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
