and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
