and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
