A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
