Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
