do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
