would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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