i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
