How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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