Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
