where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
