Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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