As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
