I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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