I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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