I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
