new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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