final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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