Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
