I hate your face
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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