It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
