I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
