Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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