I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
