Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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