Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
