Banned from zoo.
Again?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
