I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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