she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
