peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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